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Some examples of why the human race has probably evolved as far as possible. These are actual instruction labels on consumer goods.

On Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap.
(and that would be how?)

On some Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's 'just' a suggestion!)

On a hotel-provided shower cap in a box: Fits one head.
(which one?)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of box): Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! You lose!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure??? Let's experiment.)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time?) (Whose body?)

On Boot's Children's cough medicine: Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)

On Nytol sleep aid: Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)

On a Korean kitchen knife: Warning: Keep out of Children.
(or pets! What's for dinner?)

On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space.)

On a Japanese food processor: Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I'm curious.)

On a Sunbeam Toaster: Do not use while bathing.
(Makes for soggy toast.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts: Warning: contains nuts.
(But no peas?)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(Have lobotomy)

On Costco's Kirkland brand Baby Wipes" Gentle enough for hands and face.
(Should be! think why you bought it)

On a matchbook cover where the sandpaper strip is on the back: For safety, strike on back.
(And my other choice is?)

On a Swedish chainsaw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.
(And while we're on this, your neck is not good at this, either...)

On a Tot Tutors plastic "3 in 1" toy top table with chairs with photo of table being used by two children: "Building blocks and child are not included"
(Ask any parent, it always costs more with kids)

On a child's Superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief)

- Anon

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